Masturbation is a very common practice even among happily married men. You use the term that he masturbates “in other ways that has upset me deeply”. I don’t know what you mean by this. Maybe you have observed your husband unknowns to him in the act of masturbation. Perhaps you have come across some pornographic material that he had been using for sexual stimulation. Either way you are clearly distressed by what you have discovered. I think it would be appropriate for you to discuss your concerns with a counsellor. I would strongly caution against any form of confrontation with your husband on this matter without the benefit of having a prior confidential discussion with a professional. Maybe your husband’s behaviour is inappropriate but I am just fearful that your distress could result in a distressing confrontation between both of you that could be very damaging to your long-term relationship. There are many ifs and maybes with your discovery. It is possible that your husband uses masturbation as a form of occasional sexual relief yet still cares deeply about you. Masturbation and loving your wife are not incompatible with each other. Speak to a counsellor first and then decide what you are going to do next.