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Welcome to irishhealth.com (21 Apr, 2014) Quickfind

Child rubbing her privates!


 
Total Messages: 60    Latest post on: 13/03/2007 10:58     Page 1 of 2   Latest Post
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Anonymous

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# 60

Posted: 13/03/2007 10:58

Hi Annemarie,
Yes, i used to do this as a young child just for the "nice feeling" and i was never abused. I think it's pretty common. It's v sad that your abuser has made you feel bad about anything to do with your body. Have you seen a counsellor about the abuse?
 
Anonymous

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# 59

Posted: 12/03/2007 02:28

Hi and sorry to butt in on your discussion, my question is in relation to the original post. Im new to this forum (this is my first post) and am not brave enough to tell you my name yet. I cannot remember huge chunks of my childhood and have always suspected (known?) that I was sexually abused as a very young child. But as theres so much information missing maybe its all in my head? I am trying to piece together the bits of information I do have and the original post struck a chord with me as I remember rubbing myself for pleasure from a very young age, about three i think. I always felt terribly guilty about it and was relieved to see in this thread that lots of children to it. Is this very common behaviour? I mean to do it for pleasure not just curiosity? I'd really appreciate some feedback as I always worried this was something my abuser introduced me to and so felt terrible about it.

Thanks and sorry for the long post,

Lets just call me "annemarie"
 
Anon

Joined: Jan 2006

Posts: 1,950

# 58

Posted: 11/08/2006 02:46

All children experiment with exploration of their private parts. It is a learning curve.
The main point is not to draw attention to it, justignore it and they will grow out of this phase. Lots of children explore because they pick up on the adults negative feelings about it being wrong. Nothing wrong with it at all. Its perfectly natural.
Just don't react to it, let it take its natural course and in time it will sort itself out.
 
JelloBiafra

Joined: May 2006

Posts: 11

# 57

Posted: 09/08/2006 01:58

I'm sure i'm only reiterating points that have been made here already, but here i go!

First of all I'd like to suggest that this thread shouldn't have been allowed to get in to the murky arguments over masturbation/religion/child sexuality etc., as this is a much more complicated issue, and one in which people will be much less likely to respect eachother's views!

Children explore their bodies as part of getting to know themselves (and their bodies obviously). But they do touch their genitals not only out of curiosity, but because it feels good as we all know!

"Touching your genitals because it feels good" is just a way of describing masturbation, wouldn't you say? Saying that a child is masturbating is not inappropriate, rather it's an adequate description of what the child is doing. However, we associate masturbation with sexual pleasure and desire, which a child doesn't, until the onset of pubrety. To a child, what they are doing just feels good.

If your child is doing this, please PLEASE don't give out to them as though they'd broken something or picked their nose, as though they'd done something bad or embarassing. Please understand how confusing it will be for a child to hit puberty and be overcome with new desire to touch themselves, yet have their earliest memory of the experience being linked to something bad, wrong and dirty.

Of course, you must get your child to realise that they can't do it in public, which is sad in a way but it just the way society is! Explain to the child that this is their private area, that it belongs to them only and is only for when they are on their own. Like a special treat. Isn't that a much nicer, and healthier way to educate your children about their bodies?
 
brigantia

Joined: May 2006

Posts: 3

# 56

Posted: 07/05/2006 21:41

To some folk here I'm obviously gonna be called either sick or weird, or both. Who cares! Some of my earliest memories (3-year-old) are of me rubbing myself because it felt pleasurable. Obviously I didn't know about the whole sexual caboodle, as my poor parents were inadequate when it came to talking about it with me. Anyone who has children and finds them seeming to get pleasure, or curiosity, out of touching their gentials - leave the poor buggers alone. It's part of growing up. Of course, if you get really worried and it seems to be something you as a parent find hard to cope with, might I suggest you leave having children until you're psychologically more "grown-up"! It never ceases to amaze me how issues such as this STILL perturb people. Get your head outta the sand!
 
Anonymous

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# 55

Posted: 02/02/2006 15:28

Now, now fifi, you ARE being a bit harsh on poor PeteBurns. Remember..you are 6 years his elder and you have a very Open view on things. He, however, is a little bit more restricted in his views and his personal preference is that masturbation is dirty, and from the information he has been given, believes that it is predominately lesbians who engage in that practice. At the end of the day, as a guy, how would he (or I) know any better?

I don't think he's 'clueless' just 'mis-informed', as any good politician is.
Bah...humbug..the Church.... oh..by the way Pete...just in case you were worried, it will not make you go blind, get hairy palms or anything like that. And there is nothing wrong with 'spilling your seed' because there is Plenty more where that came from! (Shall I go into a reproductive biology lesson?)
And hey....masturbation can be useful... how else would one perhaps discover a lump on a testicle? I mean.... it's for purely medical reasons... keeping an eye out for testicular carcinoma, which has a peak incidence at 30 [25-40] (Ok.... technically self-examination is best done after a shower, in a relaxed state...but let's not argue! LOL)
 
sidaire

Joined: Jan 2005

Posts: 3

# 54

Posted: 02/02/2006 15:15

Hi. Can I please suggest that before posting a reply, read the FIRST message in the discussion. If you have a new topic you want to introduce, feel free to do that but please don't hijack another person's thread. And so, 'anonymous 12/01/06', I hope that you are worrying less than last month and not in distress over this - I do imagine there is no need to be.
 
fifi

Joined: Jun 2005

Posts: 771

# 53

Posted: 02/02/2006 11:43

once again Mary - my sentiments exactly. Thank you!
 
fifi

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Posts: 771

# 52

Posted: 02/02/2006 11:41

OH MY GOD Mr. Peteburns. Thats the best one Ive heard in years! "its only lesbians who like to masturbate". Are you on the same planet as the rest of us at all I wonder? I really dont know where you are getting your twisted views from but they are totally inaccurate. Your girlfriends and sisters may have said it is disgusting to masturbate but only for the sake of saving face. If you were even to ask a straight man, chances are he wouldnt admit to it either. People dont admit to it because it has been instilled in us (originally by the church) that to do such a thing is disgusting and wrong. You strike me as a very young & or immature gay man. You are totally clueless & Ive given up even replying to you.
 
Anonymous

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# 51

Posted: 02/02/2006 09:29

Pete, just becuase it doesn't fele natural for you does not mean it doesn't feel natural for other people. Sure, most of your girlfriends & sisters said they think it is so disgusting for a girl - becuase you're a guy and they do not admit it to guys - but they admit it to each other.
I don't know if lesbians do love it or not - but I know plently of straight women who do.
 
Anonymous

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# 50

Posted: 01/02/2006 18:17

Hey Glen,
I admit that this thread did develop a rather disturbing swing to it, and I have looked back on it and would perhaps like to remove some posts, but I don't think that is possible!
It is unfortunate that some people may look upon this forum as 'proof that they are right in their desires and feelings' but in essence this forum has been a frank, open discussion of its members on their own experiences growing up.
It is NOT meant in any way to support or validate the notion that it's ok to destroy the innocence of children. It mearly points out that we [the writers'] as children & teens, did enjoy discovering our bodies.

Pete Burns,
Re: Catholic upbringing -> it was just a suggestion! I suppose if that's how you feel about it, then that just what suits you. I for example feel the same way about pornography (in any way, shape or form), I don't like it, I don't agree with it and I avoid it as best I can.
With regards to female masturbation.... I can't say I know much about that! I know women masturbate, but always felt it was considerably less than guys.

Inspector Gadget.
 
peteburns handbag

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# 49

Posted: 01/02/2006 18:13

Yeah Glen i agree with u that the comments made above about children "getting pleasure" and being "sexual beings" etc is totally wrong and can see how it could re-inforce any sickos ideas that could be reading.
And i agree with u that it is just a simple curiosity thing, nothing even remotely "pleasurable" got to do with it.
PETE BURNS PINK HANDBAG!!
 
Glen

Joined: Feb 2006

Posts: 1

# 48

Posted: 01/02/2006 13:42

Hi - new to this forum but have to admit I am disturbed by the swing in this thread, what began as someone simply looking for advice has now developed in a very disturbing and frankly worrying discussion !!!!!! I am a mother to a one year bundle of joy (little boy) and he has recently discovered his male organ, however he explores it in a curious way and this I believe is a natural healthy curiosity, so I would ask all of you to look back on this thread and take a moment to reflect on your input because this forum is open to all and some people may see this line of discussion as proof that they are right in their desires and feelings and some more innocent children could get hurt !!!!!!
 
peteburns handbag

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# 47

Posted: 01/02/2006 00:35

Inspector i was not brought up as a catholic. I only went to mass up til i was 7 cuz me nanny used to make us go ( and that was only occasionally when we would be visiting her on a sunday). My parents werent religious at all and didnt make us go to mass or athing so i dont think my disgust at masturbation has anything to do with how i was brought up.
And my parents were never strict, thats why i told them i was gay when i was 16 and my mam loves that i\'m gay. AND I was never caught doing anything sexual etc. when as a kid no.
It\'s just how i feel naturally. i think if something feels wrong and dirty when ur doing it, then it must be dirty and wrong. i wouldnt feel that way if it was so \"normal\" like fifi says. And i have to diasgree that most women masturbate too, as most of my girlfriends & sisters said they think it is so disgusting for a girl to u know what. I think it\'s mostly lesbians that love masturbating etc.

AND I dont really like masturbating with my boyfriend either, but it seems a lot cleaner than doing it alone. And i think sex is a lot more cleaner tahn u know waht cuz it just feels right.


PETE BURNS HANDBAG!!
 
fifi

Joined: Jun 2005

Posts: 771

# 46

Posted: 31/01/2006 10:34

No they never mentioned such things because they deemed it "dirty". This is why we felt dirty because we felt we were the only ones doing it and there must be something wrong with us. When in fact its quite natural.
 
Anonymous

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# 45

Posted: 30/01/2006 17:09

AStrange Fifi but I went to convent schol and the word as never mentioned so I suppose thatis why I never really had hang ups about it. But then they never mentioned sex much either.
 
fifi

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# 44

Posted: 30/01/2006 16:12

Everyone masturbates. Not everyone will admit it, but they do. Men tend to be more open about it then women. What? You mean women masturbate too??? shock horror. By God they do just as much as men I assure you, we just dont go about blagging it. It is instilled into our heads that to do this is dirty and you can thank our dear catholic church for this stupidity. (you know them dont you - do as I say dont do as I do ) brigade.
 
Anonymous

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# 43

Posted: 30/01/2006 13:04

PeteBurns, Mary,
Pete: I do find it interesting that you really didn't think at all about sex - either gay or straight - until you were 11. I would actually hazard to say that your are unusual in this regard, and your 'late sexual dev' could be a reason why you still somehow consider masturbation as dirty.

Mary, in Pete's defence I can see how he could consider masturbation dirty. But to me it is no more dirty than sex, and certainly not more dirty than gay sex. You claim not to be a 'good irish catholic boy' which is true... I mean... sexually active gay does Not Equal good Irish catholic LOL BUT I still feel that perhaps the aversion to masturbation - and even it's name - is somehow rooted in well...your catholic upbringing. Technically I'd be Catholic, but that's about as far as it goes. It's like.... He Who Must Not Be Named....
What part of masturbation do you not like???? Seriously? Why do you feel ashamed afterwards? Were you ever 'caught' doing it as a child / teen by your parents - and scolded? [I know you said don't ask me why....]
What about mutual masturbation? That's still alot cleaner and safer than other more intense forms of gay sex.

Oh...and did you say You were having sex at 14/15? Wow, whatever about you being repressed about masturbation, I think I'm repressed about sex - I didn't discover that experience until about 2 years ago! And it has only ever been with the same person, and very occasional at that. And I'm not really too urged to do it with anybody else either. You say kids [boys] under 10 would never have sexual urges or dreams about other boys, true, probably not...but certainly ALOT do. When I was under 10, I certainly DID [of girls, anyway].

Now..you say you've never had a wet dream. That's ok, that can be normal too. Generally 'it is believed' that people who don't masturbate often tend to get them more - said to be because the body has to release the excess sperm, but I don't fully agree with that. But then, you may have one totally in your sleep and just don't remember it - like kids wetting the bed. And by the time you wake up it's eh...all dried up...
You only remember dreams if you are woken up during one - during REM sleep - this is when you would nocturnally ejaculate. I can't even remember when I last had one [wet dream] - but then I do masturbate.

I think the term sexually conservative is indeed a good way to describe yourself. Which is unusual, I would have thought for a young gay guy! But so be it, but please don't be upset if your nieces start playing with themselves or you discover that they are *really* into boyfriends at 10/11 - because that's who they are! I know two brothers - one just gone 12, the other nearly 15 and the 12 yr old has more girlfriends than you can shake a stick at, whereas the 14 yr old is rather more conservative and has yet to go out with anyone [as far as I know]. What I mean by this is that people are different....some discover themselves early..others later. So if you're nieces were to be the former, then let them be. There is nothing you can - or should - do about it.

P.s. no probs, PeteBurns.
 
Anonymous

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# 42

Posted: 30/01/2006 11:11

But sexual matters are natural, Pete Burns. As for it 'not being right'. What makes you think that masturbation is not right. It's obviously right and natural for some people.
And the very fact that you say masturbation is dirty (I'm still puzzled and to why you think this) and that you felt shame afterwards are, sadly, the very signs of repression. Repression that you could pass on to your nieces every time that you tell them that touching themselves, even in private is 'dirty'.
 
peteburns\'s handbag

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# 41

Posted: 28/01/2006 18:24

The only reason i didnt realise i was gay til i was 11/12 was only because i never thought about whether i fancied girls/boys before that, it was nothing to do with me denying what iwas.

I remember i was in 6th class when i realkised i was gay as i developed a major crush on my teacher, i think i was only 11, so yeayh 11 was when i realised.

And i hate the way u Mary and inspector gadget think that i am repressing something by thinking that masturbation is dirty. it is dirty, and i dont feel this way about it because i am a repressed indivudual sexually or whatever or cuz i'm a good catholic irish boy.
If i meet some fella in a club and i REALLY like him, i would have no problem sleeping with him that night.
I just cant stand people that live for sex (watchin porn, sleepin with hookers, people doing weird sex shit) and when i say i feel dirty the few times that i have masturbated (i even hate the word) it's just an automatic feeling of shame, i just hate ity dont ask me why!!

And i know first years know everything about sex (they're 12/13), sure i knew everyuthing asbout sex when i was in first year, and yeah we were all having sex at age 14/15 i know that this is the norm, i'm saying kid under the age of 10 would never have sexual urges or "dreams" about other boys.
I know it sounds mad, i dunno if i'm weird or wat but i have never even had a wet dream. Is that mad?

And Mary i know its crazy to never want my nieces to grow up. I just love how cute they are at 2/3 and they just are the only reasonn i still like living sometimes. The thought of them discovering sexual thoghts etc. just makes me hate it. i know thats stupid but i want them to be at least 12/13 beofre they start thinking about other boys in that way.
And by telling my nieces not to be touching their private parts, i dont think i'm passing on my repression. i'm not repressed, just sexually conservative i suppose, anmd i would rather them be like me than to be really sexual when they grow up.
I hate they way everyone thinks that anything to do with sex is OK cuz it's NATURAL. Just cuz it's natural doesnt mean it's right.
p.s. sorry 4 offending u gadget head
 
Anonymous

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# 40

Posted: 27/01/2006 15:36

Seriously Worried: Best of luck and hope things get better for you and your daughter.

Pete Burns, Mary & Fifi,
Pete, I think both Mary & fifi have validated my views on adolescent masturbation and indeed pre-teen fantasies. I did say I was speaking for myself... but dude, I'm sorry to break your view of that wonderful innocent world you choose to live in.... but things aren't quite so black & white.
Yes..it it wonderful how fun and playful and innocent young children are - and yes..we all do long for those old days when we were too..but you know, things have changed since you and I were pre-teen & teen. Try teaching a class of 1st years and you'll see just how 'innocent' they are on one hand [thru ignorance] but just how 'sexually mature' they are too!

And yes.... I said it is 'normal' for a teen to masturbate 1/2 a day...but of course..it is also 'normal' to only do it once a week too! Some people just choose not to do it so often. You are one of them. But *on average* a teen masturbates 1/2 a day. Maybe not a 12 year old..but certainly a 15 yr old. They just don't admit it.

And you said that you consider it 'dirty'. And yes.... in one way I agree with you - sure it's dirty, of course..what would you expect?- the 1st time I had an ejaculation I [age 13] got the shock of my life and had to take a long walk to relax! But well.... sex is dirty too! But guys get over the 'dirtyness' pretty quick... the psychological benefits of masturbation far out-weigh the negatives. If you did - or do still feel that it's dirty..then that's fine... but you are 'repressing' yourself as Mary said. And i'm sorry to hear that.

Also you mentioned that you didn't really have any sexual fantasies before you were 12. Well... lucky you...or maybe unlucky you? Perhaps the reason you didn't until then is because your innate tendency was gay...but it wasn't until you reached puberty that you [subconsciously] let it come to the fore - and you then let yourself dream about boys.
My best friends at the time [age 6/7] were girls who lived in my area, so my life evolved around them, but they were never girlfriends per se - I didn't need any..I had them as friends. But I wasn't afraid to let myself *dream* about them!

And I respect the love you have for your nieces... that is beautiful and right, but let them develop and discover themselves - in private - as they so choose..and don't impose your personal views on 'dirtyness' upon them.

Mary, thank you. You are quite right.... and yes... many gay people know at a young age they 'are different' but some....it takes sometime longer... so it's not 'funny' PeteBurns was 12..actually to accept his was gay at that age is pretty good [fair play to you, Pete] Many gay boys often don't accept it until their late teens....

Fifi, indeed...a first organism... well...it is kinda exciting...but as I said I had my first ejaculation at 13 but I sincerely now believe - looking back - that I had been having 'dry organisms' for Years before that. Perhaps not on organism per se...just a special heightened feeling of satisfaction. So it's certainly not throwing me off the mark! And I too did feel a little dirty afterwards...but well the feeling wins out. Just use appropriate hygiene! :-)

P.S. Pete, it may not sound like it, but I do take offence to your 'my oh so clever friend' comment... because I DO know what I'm talking about.
 
fifi

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Posts: 771

# 39

Posted: 27/01/2006 12:45

Well heres one that will throw you off the mark. I certainly had more than feelings down there at a young age. I remember clearly having my first orgasm at 11.(Im female) I didnt know what was happening. It kind of scared me yet excited me. I did feel weird and kind of dirty afterwards but it didnt stop me afterwards.
 
Anonymous

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# 38

Posted: 27/01/2006 12:09

Pete Burns, instpector gadget certainly has a point. I'm only 32 (female) and well remember having feelings 'down there' well before 11 or 12 and I remember thinking about and liking certain boys.
Funny you say you didn't realise until you were 12 that you were gay.
I have several gay friends and all say that they knew as young as 5 or 6 that they were different and not like other boys in that respect.

As for feeling dirty after masturbation. That is purely and simply a sign of repression. I have never felt that way.
And yes, it is normal for teens / adolescents both male and female to masturbate every day or most days.
It's great that you are so fond of your nieces but it would totally unnatural for them to stay young forever, don't you agree. And as for 'correcting' them when you see their behaviour, I sincerely hope its becuase it's public and not becuse you're telling them it's dirty becuase if it's the latter than you are simply passing your own repression onto them
 
peteburns\'s handbag

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# 37

Posted: 27/01/2006 11:51

Inspector Gadget
Yes i do live on this planet and yes i do remember my childhood clearly and i am only 26..
And i disagree with u about children thinking "naughty taughts about girls/boys" etc. as i never thought about boys in a fancy-type way til i was 12 and startin puberty.
Before that i didnt know i was gay and i never masturbated or had sexual thoughts in any way, and even today i dont masturbate. i ADMIT I HAVE done in the past but only occasionally and i hate the way i do feel aferwards,thats why i dont do it anymore (i know this sounds so old fashoined an all but i cant help it but masturabting always made me feel so dirty afterwards).

And u saying that it is normal for an adolescent to masturabte at least 1-2 times a day. That is crazy, even when i was a teen i would never masturbate daily, quite infrequent actually.
I think u have a warped view of young kids if u assume that they want to have a girlfriend because of some sexual angle or whatever, this is so not the case.

I am gay and i even had girlfriends when i was 6/7/8 only cuz we thought we were cool having a girlfriend, and yeah we would hold hands or peck each other on the cheek but it was totally innocent. Havijng a girlfriend when ur a young kid is all to do with being cool/ popular and showing off, nothing to do with anything sexual my oh so clever friend...

i mind my nieces all the time and i love how innocent they are and i never want them to grow up. I love them at age 2/3 and i would love them to stay that age forever. And it makes me feel so brilliant being with them and playing games/ laughing with them on their level. It helps me rememnber how innocent i can be and that makes me feel so good, so that is why i hate, and correct them if i see them rubbing down there etc.
 
Anonymous

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# 36

Posted: 27/01/2006 11:27

Inspectorgadget - thanks for your reassurance regarding the Health Boards involvement. I certainly agree the situation cannot continue and do understand the school has concerns as already a few children have been saying they are falling over this childs legs when they are moving about the classroom, due to whatever way she sits to do this inappropriate behaviour (far better word than abnormal I agree!). Mary, I suspected an ADD or similar problem a few years ago and read up on the subject and could identify many of the key factors in this child. The teacher dismissed it as did the psychologist. I still believe that this needs to be addressed and may yet have her privately assessed though would not want to put any further pressure on the child as she appears not to be coping with simple everyday things as it is. The teacher spoke to me early in the week about this again and the fact that the child keeps forgetting her lunch, her books are a mess, needing covering for about the 3rd time this school year, her homework is not always complete (despite me checking but I don't think she writes all the homework down in the journal), and the fact that she suggested before x-mas that she return to the psychologist. I spoke to the psychologist who didn't think it was a good idea as it focused too much on what is wrong with the child, she said! I told the teacher this back in November and she now tells me no one had got back to her since. From our view point - we had no additional news to give her - from her viewpoint, we obviously did't give a hoot! So I suppose as there are no signs of improvement in the child and no further suggestions as how to resolve the problem from us, then they must feel they have to intervene.
 
Anonymous

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# 35

Posted: 27/01/2006 09:23

Seriously Worried - it also occured to me, could she maybe have Attention Deficit Hypractivity Disorder or even Obsessive Complusive Disorder.

In either of these cases behavioural therapy may help. Tho in the former, medication is sometimes indicated also.
 
Anonymous

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# 34

Posted: 26/01/2006 22:26

Having read some of the comments from this thread. I have a 7 yr old boy who touches himself in the morning in the privacy of his own room. I ignore it as he is just on a voyage of discovery. The mum who has a girl who is rubbing herself off objects in school, I feel the child has possibly turned this into a habit which she needs help to stop. Could there be something medically wrong, maybe at the beginning she had an itch, which is very easy for a young girl to contract and now it has become a habit. Try rewarding her for everytime she thinkgs about what she is doing and stops.It is not that it is abnormal, its just that it is so public. Go to the 1 pound shop and buy lots of 2 Euro items. Bribery worked with my other boy for doing his homework and now hes great at his homework and doesn't need bribery.
 
Anonymous

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# 33

Posted: 26/01/2006 18:07

Hey Seriously worried,
Yes... I did think of your post when I saw it. And I do wish to clarify what I would consider as 'normal'.
For starters, please bear in mind that my views are from a male perspective.
Ok...for me normal is when the child spends some small part of the day 'in discovery mode'. A perfectly normal time for this is around bedtime, or early morning before they get up. Some children, I know do decide to try at mealtimes...but parents are ususally quick to teach the child that at mealtimes, hands stay on the table! (boys).
I'm going to refer to what is generally regarded as normal for early adolescent / teen mastburatory 'practices'. If your child is a mature girl... you could easily include her in this category. Clinically 'normal' behaviour would be perhaps masturbating 1-2 a day perhaps a little bit more. As long as it is done in private, and does NOT interfere with normal daily activities (school - sports - homework - friends...etc) that is fine. However it becomes an issue when it's excessive and when it encroches on other normal activities. In other words, the child / teen is spending more time masturbating - or thinking about it - when they should be directing their attention to the task at hand - e.g. school & learning. It is also an issue when it is done 'in public' - in an obvious way. So for example a 13 yr old 1st Year with his hands in his pockets during class is probably 'normal' as long as nobody notices and he is still participating in the class.

The situation with your daughter is NOT that she is obsessive about playing with herself it is that she is doing it at inappropriate times & places - and hence causing concern to others. Furthermore, it has now become a habit - I don't think she [now] even realises when she's doing it! Obviously she 'knows' but it just doesn't 'click'. I hope you understand what I mean???
I can see the school's view point...they are lost as to what to do..and their only solution is to perhaps enlist some outside help.
I would agree, it is rather a bit excessive... but their concern is for her safety and education. They also don't want to hear complaints from other parents whom have hears 'stories from their own children about this girl who plays with her self in class'. Therefore they have to be seen to be doing something about the situation. Please do not take it as an insult that they have asked for a referral from the Health Board - they only wish to see that ''something' [from their perspective] is being done about it. Something they can have on paper! I'm sorry if that sounds cruel...but I'm assuming they are genuinely concerned.

So yes.... your daughter's behaviour would be considered as 'abnormal' but I'd prefer not to use that term... rather 'inappropriate'.
The actions of self-sexual stimulation are perfectly normal... what is not normal is not just the length of time she spends at it...but the time of day she chooses.
And yes..of course no child has ever been referred to the health board because of excessive thumb sucking.... but that is because it is not something that Society considers inappropriate in public. Allthough... excessive thumb sucking in a 10 yr old should never-the-less be at least noted - to check for stress, depression...all sorts of little things... [Not to mention the increased risk of infection...]
 
Anonymous

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# 32

Posted: 26/01/2006 17:58

Have tried every way of distracting her at home and it has worked here ok Mary - whatever about in the privacy of her own bed at night. It is at school where the problem lies - hence me saying in "public". I suppose it is difficult for he teacher to have to deal with it what with 30 other kids in the room too. She's attended a psychotherapist but I agree behavioural therapy might be the way to go. She has issues in other ways, finds it hard to carry out the simplist of instructions, i.e. put her laundry away, make her bed, tidy her room etc. This causes problems with her sister whom she shares a room with. Has difficulty concentrating on school work and homework too. Yes, I'll look into behavioural therapy thanks.
 
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# 31

Posted: 26/01/2006 15:43

As it appears tom have become obsessional, your daughter needed to be distracted from doing this at a very yoiung age, when in public. In private, is of course a different matter.
Distraction could havew taen the form or a toy, a game or even calling her name.
Now perhaps behavioral therapy may need to be called for, however, do encourage her towrds oher enjoyable activities - sport, reading even a computer game may help.
 
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# 30

Posted: 26/01/2006 14:54

so inspectorgadget, when does it stop being "normal"? Exploring at a very young age I accept is quite normal, but at say 10 - I don't think it is appropriate, particularly in public? We've today received a letter from the school saying as they have concerns about this child, they are sending a report to the health board - is that as result of "normal" behaviour? I'm not aware of any child who has a habit of thumb sucking being referred on to the health board for investigation?
 
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# 29

Posted: 25/01/2006 22:34

peteburns's handbag,
Sorry...I have to reply to this...it's just buging me.
PeterBurns, what planet are YOU on? How old are you? Do you not remember your childhood...I certainly remeber mine. And I certainly remember to at least as far back as age 6 or 7 - 1st Class anyway. And I rembember that I DID most certainly play with myself, in private, before going to sleep while thinking of naughty thoughts of the girls in my class and my friends up the road. But..at the same time... I was 'innocent' - because I couldn't have told you anything about sex.
OK... perhpas I was wrong to put ' 3 yr old' and 'masturbate' in the same sentence, but if I was to speak about myself..I would probably use it with age 6/7 and most certaily with age 8+.

Dang... why do people see it as BAD if children play with themselves???

By the way...I'm not 'sick minded' I'm logical, factual and honest. I know biology, physiology & a bit of psychology. I'm sorry if Society is perverted and assumes that anyone who speaks of saying that 'it's ok for children to masturbate' is making it sound like exploitation of children is OK. Jesus NO. I'm only stating FACTs & I'm talking about myself. And should anybody get any ideas...NO.. I was never abused in any way, infact my childhood was very protected in all things 'dirty'. BUT I discovered my body myself, as any child does. I discovered it gave me a special feeling to have my hand down my pants [in bed] - it helped me to goto sleep. [That's also a normal thing by the way....if you hadn't noticed].

Apologies if I sound bitter, because I am. I'm saddened on how Society twists and perverts everything. Then closes it's eyes to the obvious and normal. Or where the normal is twisted to be considered 'dirty' because people assume [through ignorance perhaps] that something is abnormal..even when it's perfectly normal - although in this case misunderstood due to an unfortunate choice of words. Words that were technically correct...but in a modern context inappropriate.

Now I undestand why medical professionals use extreamly technical words - to avoid misinterpretation by Society.

Goodnight.
 
Anonymous

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# 28

Posted: 25/01/2006 21:40

Sorry, I haven't visited here since last week.
In response to my last post (20th) & Niaomi's subsquent message, I will agree that using the term 'masturbate' was perhaps too strong a word to describe the actions of a 3 yr old.
Furthermore what I mean by sexual beings is that humans will respond to sexual stmuli at any age. OK - a child does not realise that is what it is - for them - as was said - it is simply a nice feeling - just like scratching an itch is.
So yes...from their perspective they are just exploring their bodies - and yes..it feels good.
The ARE pure and innocent - in mind. There is no doubt about that.
Unfortunately...it is us adults [and I fell into this trap] who therefore assume they are being sexual. From my own childhood experience [I'm now 26] - I remember masturbating at 6/7 years of age - and YES I will use that term - because I would do it thinking of the girls in my class. Now...I didn't know nothing about 'sex' per se - but i knew it [playing] felt good and I knew the difference between a boy and a girl.
It has also been metioned that puberty is all about sexual realisation...yes..perhaps... but why then why do [pre-pubertal] 10 yr old's wanna have girlfriends? Perhaps modern media & society is partly to blame for the early sexualisation of children, I dunno. But what i'm trying to say..is that puberty is no-longer the Beginning of Sexualisation of children.

With regard to humans = sexual beings [at any age] I'm referring to the pure biology here. It is purely a biological response seen in a male infant getting an 'erection' during a nappy-change, it is not a response to what we would call 'sexaul stimulation'.

I will add here that physiologically an erection is a parasympathetic response, meaning that it occurs when the body is relaxed, as opposed to a sympathetic reaction [running away from the oncoming trian!]. Hence it can easily occur when in a relaxed state. Also, during REM sleep males get erections - a prefectly normal physiological state.
To tie this in with everything - I wish to highlight that for the child, they 'explore themselves' as it is relaxing. It is not to be confused with the adult state of sexual excitation.

To give another example [as far as I know!] a 6 yr old would not get an erection simply thinking of the opposite sex - in contrast to say a 13 yr old - but they would with physical stimulation. [I'm speaking from personal childhood experience here - see above] Hence they are not sexualised - emotionally - only physically. I hope you understand me here.

So yes... I apologise if it caused shivers down your back to refer to a 3 yr old as 'masturbating' that was a bit over doing it.
And I certainly did not intend my post to be in any way regarded as promoting the 'sexualisation' of children. Ah...shiver to think of that.
 
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# 27

Posted: 25/01/2006 18:06

Hate to worry anyone but my stepdaughter started this when she was in her car seat - rubbing herself off the strap that came up between her legs. It stopped for a few years and she then started doing it when we got a new people carrier about 5 years ago (straps were lap ones initially until we changed them and she must have associated it back to her car seat) and she hasn't stopped since - she is now 10! Initially she rubbed herself off anything, including lying face down on her bed, corners of drawers, tables, bed ends, across her bedside locker. It was a horrific sight to witness and the shock of it never diminished. It has become such an ingrained habit, that she does it now unconsciously, rubbing herself off anything. What is absolutely awful at this stage is that she does it in school, off the corner of her desk or the bar of her chair. Her friends are now noticing, most of them would be more mature than she is and we are at a loss as to what to do - having had 5 years of therapy for her already! The teacher trys to distract her, and now really only has to call her name and she stops, but starts again within a few mins. The school really is concerned about her behaviour. We don't know where to turn to now and I dread to think what will happen when the corner of the desk doens't fulfill her needs anymore!
 
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# 26

Posted: 24/01/2006 15:08

Naomi, there is a big difference between children being sexual - we are all male and female afterall and people viewing children as being sexualised human beings which is of course not the case and as you dangerous.
Of course children re pue but lets not confuse innocense with not eing sexually aware and this does not take in the scope of innocense at all.

Pete Burns, telling a child ur not meant to touch down there - does nothing other than encourage repression and the idea that some parts of your body are somehow dirty.
However, telling a child that somethings, you are only meant to do in private is quite different, and indeed the correct response.

I ma on this planet and my mind is as healthy as your own.
I know preciselt what the function of puberty is. I also know that all human beings are sexual, we are all either male or female.
However, it is at puberty that we become sexualized.

There is that reference again, that you are somehome seeing what your nieces are doing as dirty.

No one is talking about taking innocense aay from children. As I mentioned innocense is to do with a lot more then sex.
 
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# 25

Posted: 24/01/2006 13:22

I have 7 nieces and 1 nephew, no kids of my own as i'm gay. But my niece and nephew do this aswell, especially when ur changing their nappy, and i do just tell them that ur not meant to touch down there, as in "not picking ur nose" like ur woman above said.

Mary u are on another planet, and u have a sick mind if u think that children can even contemplate anything even remotely sexual.
That's what puberty is about, if u didnt know. Before puberty we cannot be sexual or athing like that, we only start getting sexual urges after we go thru puberty.
I personally hate when i see my nieces doing this as i think it looks dirty, but only in the same way i would think of her farting as dirty, u know what i mean.

It makes me sick that person that said its ok for kids to masturbate and that they get pleasure from rubbing themselves. i wouldnt be surprised if u were sick in the head. Kids are so innocent and nobody should be allowed take that innocence away from them!!
 
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# 24

Posted: 24/01/2006 11:08

You said that someones gender and someones sex were the same thing. I as merely pointing out that this was not the case.
If were are going to discuss, lets at least be accurate.
 
Naomi

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# 23

Posted: 24/01/2006 10:57

Mary this is not a debate about gender identity and the roles we place upon women and men. I simply want to clarify whether or not you are saying that these children are sexual creatures in the sense that they are receiving sexual pleasure, I do not think the point you are making about social influences and gender roles is relevant. The only point I am interested in is that there are not people out there who think that it is OK to view children as being sexual creatures(in the sense of them being able to achieve sexual pleasure, even typing this is giving me the creeps but I want to be clear) as it destroys what should be the purest stage of human existance and opens up the floodgates of permission for all sorts of dangerous people. Children are pure and innocent and should remain as such. Children will explore their bodies and their surroundings .Let it be what it is, children being children. As a mother, I would not want anyone considering children to be anything but innocent anywhere near my children.
 
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# 22

Posted: 24/01/2006 10:42

Mary, this thread is about a child rubbing her privates and you keep talking about gender and 'socio-political constructs'. Do you even have children? This mother needs advice not a lesson in sociology. To the mother, I know my brother's child did this for a few months when she was around three. It appeared to be just out of curiosity and she did eventually stop.
 
Anonymous

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# 21

Posted: 24/01/2006 09:43

I'll try again.

You said, 'the sex of a person, i.e. their gender'.
My point is that sex and gender are not the same thing. Sex refers to biology.
The chemicals that our brain produces and the organs that were have.
Gender is a socio-political construct and varies greatly depending on the society which you are in.
 
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