Age difference in relationships.

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1 Posts

honeybird21  ·  03 Jan 2018

I have an ex boyfriend who is 13 years younger than me. Our relationship ended after 5months, him being 22 and I being 35. 4 years later he wound up connecting back with me to say that he was sorry for his behavior and wanted to catch up. We've hooked up on a regular basis but have not moved further in our relationship. I just come to learn that he still can't get over the age difference between us. Our relationship so far has been great, we don't fight, we like the same things, we understand each other to know on likes but we still remain as friends. He's also mentioned to me that I've helped him a lot in breaking down the emotional wall that he has so expertly built and learned that I can be trusted. What kind of advice can I get to help him understand that age doesn't matter!!


47 Posts

Straighttalker  ·  20 Nov 2017

Ilham Aslam704  Age really doesn't matter, and 3 years is NOTHING to worry about, if you are worried about what others think, you really need to change the way YOU think, follow your own feelings nad not the feelings of others.... 


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Ilham Aslam704  ·  17 Nov 2017

This is a question that is bugging me. I have dated men who are 6-10 years older than me, but there was always something wrong in the relationship. I am a Muslim woman and I met this Muslim guy and I liked him and likewise. We started seeing each other, I just recently found out he is 3years younger than me. My first impression was to walk out, I felt I was depriving him of his teen years. He is 22 and I'm 25 years. He got shocked with the age difference, but he insisted he doesn't care about that, and was getting worked up that I even thought of that. I really like him, he is an amazing person and I feel great when I'm with him. But I get worried, thinking about how his or my family and friends will react to us perhaps in future wanting to settle down. What will they think of me especially being a muslim woman. I don't wanna leave him, I've felt the connection. Advise please. 


1 Posts

Brittani Andrews621  ·  16 Nov 2017

Purple, why? Why would it matter to you if someone much older than your son is dating him? I would not matter if they are happy and are in love. I am 19 years old and I am in a relationship with someone who is 23 years older than me.


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LifeLessens  ·  13 Nov 2017

The red flags are there, listen to them! Move on because you will never be able to drag out of him what you need and the Older he gets, the more ingrained his attitude will get and the more frustrated you will get. Save yourself the heartache.


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Crazy chick  ·  24 Oct 2017

I am 28 and my boyfriend of a year is 41.

He has never been married and he does have an older son. I have smaller children.  I recently noticed that he was kind of distancing himself every time he became close to me. I wrote him a six page letter telling him exactly what I was seeing and how I felt. After I wrote him this letter he told me I nailed the part of him falling for me and backing off. He then told me that he doesn't think he will ever get married. Now I don't know if that was him making sure I still wanted to be with him or if that was a way of trying to push me off. We are still together and I do want to maybe be married one day but, if he is bot wanting marriage then I am okay with that. What I do want to know is why he will not let me in and tell me how exactly he feels about me.

It is like pulling teeth to ask a question. With actions I see he cares but, as a woman every once in a while we would like to hear it as well. 

Since he said he doesn't think he will ever get married is that him saying he doesn't ever want that kind of commitment?


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sheba600  ·  12 Feb 2017

Im 44 yr's age & my bf is 27, 17yr gap.

When i met him 5 yrs ago the age gap was not a problem until now, 5 yrs later.we r in love & have a life together, we need to put more effort into nurturing our bond, socializing, & spend more time outside of our home life & get out of our comfort level. This wasnt an issue until 5 yrs later. Im very attractive & look young for my age, always have but everyone has ups & downs in life & im slightly out of shape & look a little older than before. Im fine with it & so is he but i would like to not even worry or talk about this topic as im usually confident & not worrying about my looks at all. Please reply, would really appreciate a different perspective because mine is tainted. And want to fix it stay together if i can resolve my issues in my head with positive efforts & actions, Is it even possible or is it just too much?


3,037 Posts

buzz  ·  12 Dec 2011

Just be sure he wants the same things. At 20, his expectations and level of committment may be different to yours at 36. I would talk openly with him to be sure he is as "there" in it as you are, and wants the same things for the future. You dont want to get hurt. Best of luck!


1,376 Posts

purple  ·  11 Dec 2011


if my sons were to come in an tell me they were dating a woman of 20 years older than them i would have to say something to them, i dont think i would be pleased for them, a 20 year old dating a 36 year old, no . nothing against u, but think about it, some woman , its so dangerouse for them to have kids at 50, an this young lad is only in his 20, . i dont no what to say, but if u both really love each other an have been with each other for a long time, well best of luck to u both,


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caramelo1  ·  04 Dec 2011

Hi i need advice from someone please, i feel so frustrated with the relationship iam in now, there is 16 years difference between. i am older than him he is 20 and i am 36 iam so shy to mention the gap but we love each other, he doesnt care about age neither do i but  i am just affraid of the future. any experience related with my case please feel free to advice me.


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irishchick25  ·  30 Nov 2009

hi everyone . i am 25 yrs old an i am currently daing a 57 yr old male . we have been together 4 years an we are extremely happy .  we 've had our ups and downs but we are still happy an time just seems to fly when we are with each other . every relationships has their ups an downs so i dont think age is the problem . for us it has never been a problem but he still has his insecurities... everyone does .i believe happyiness can't be bought  so any chance you get ..take it ... as it doesn't come to you very often .we both like the same stuff and we have alot in common , i understand that there could be differences in the short future of a sexual nature . but come on people sex is 'nt everything . not saying i dont have a sex drive but lets just say i could live without when it does become a problem . we have agreed to have one kid , i do understand that the child will not have a dad for long but does anyine really know how long anyone will live really life is too short an could be cut short for any child no matter how old the dad is . accidents happen  an so does diesases . in conclsuion i would like anyone who has any opinions on this to email me personally @ as i am very interested in hearing from you.  i also would love to hear from someone the same age as me dating a men near enough the age my fella is . tks folks for your time an i look forward to hearing from you soon love wit a beautifull loveing caring older gentleman...irishchick25


12,086 Posts

Anonymous  ·  09 Apr 2009

Hi Purple a friend of my fathers, at 50, fell for an older sister of a schoolmate of mine she was 28. Of course there were ructions when her parents came to hear of it and his sisters weren't too pleased either. He had never married and of course they thought he was a bachelor for life. But the two of them married and a happier couple you'd be hard pressed to find. They have 4 lovely boys.  He's 60 now - claims his wife and boys keep him young and do you know the age gap to look at them looks younger now than it did when they were dating. But then he's very fit and he has a young outlook - if you know what I mean, he thinks young and has a great spirit and sense of fun. And he's as proud as punch of his family.


1,376 Posts

purple  ·  08 Apr 2009

hi i know i said age doesnt matter as long as they love each other, but if it's a 25 year old and 60-70 then i would have something to say. i was 18 when i met my husband to be, he was 21. i knew he was the one for me, but sorry but if they are twenty years older no. think about if you wanted to have kids, who ever is older has to think about this.


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Jamie  ·  08 Apr 2009

I don't think too many people would be happy if their 17 year old daughter was having sex with a 60 year old man.

If the younger party is about 25, they should have the sense to decide for themselves, good luck to them.


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Straighttalker  ·  08 Apr 2009

It depends on what you both want out of the relationship. You need to look at the practicalities of it, IE.

A 70 yr old man and a 20 yr old woman could have a happy relationship but if if a child came would the old fella survive long enough to see the child leave school? would he survive the sleepless nights, crying and nappies, (the babies, not his) would he survive the sex?

So the real questions are: mental age vs physical age and is it practical?

And how you feel about each other, not what other people think!


1,376 Posts

purple  ·  31 Mar 2009

hi all

no i dont think that age should matter if you love that person, so best of luck to you all.


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buzz  ·  31 Mar 2009

It seems logical for us women to date men 30 years our senior - at least that way we will be at the same level of emotional maturity as them!! Ok now I know everyone is going to start shouting sexism but hey I just wanted to inject some humour on this sunny day :)

If you are happy and he treats you well then that is more than half the battle. love can be found in the strangest places and with the most unlikley matches, it is not about other people's perception or being thoroughly average or ticking boxes because it is expected of you, it is about your HAPPINESS. I have learned this the hard way, that an unhappy relationship can engulf you and destroy your life so if you love each other and you are happy then celebrate!! Age IS just a number!


12,086 Posts

Anonymous  ·  31 Mar 2009

Hi Amada, it is wonderful that you have found love, age gap notwithstanding. You don't mention your age or his, but perhaps your parents concerns centre around things like potential health problems as your guy ages or perhaps difficulties as regards having children depending on his age - presuming of course that you want children, not everyone does. One thing would concern me, tho'. You mentioned that he has joined a particular church, so I'm guessing that he either wasn't religious before or changed religion. I would say, make sure this doesn't become a source of division between you. Religious beliefs can have a deep impact on relaitonships and where both parties don't agree this can have a negative effect. Also, you mentioned that the congregation prayed that he would find someone and when he did, they didn't care so long as she would take care of him. If you relationship is based on you "taking care of him" then this is not a relationship of equals and healthy relationships have equality as their base. Of course it may be that hre also takes care of you, in which case, best of luck for the future. :-)


1 Posts

amanda  ·  30 Mar 2009

I'm in a relationship with a man 30 years older than me. I think the age gap was a problem, but I no longer find it an issue. We've been dating 7 months now I'm the happiest I've ever been, and you may find it hard to believe but, im in love. My parents have issues, I guess they just don't want their little girl dating an older man, but I won't give him up. I still talk to my parents and I really hope they come around.

I think we were both surprised by the amount of support we got from members of his church. But then again he's been a member there for 3 years (or more) and several of them prayed that he would find someone. And when he did, i guess they didn't care what kind of girl she was, so long as she would take care of him. My friends on the other hand are still...blunt and confussed lol, but i hope they come around. I love him, and I've come to realize that it doesn't matter what the people around us think, we love each other. We pretty much do everything together. Yes we have our arguements, but who doesn't?

Nothing will tear us apart.


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Anonymous  ·  04 Jan 2007
It's encouraging to see so many positive comments here and a debate on this issue! I was in a relationship for 4 years with a 30-year age gap with the person who is still my best friend. In 2007 we'll have known each other 10 years, and I have found that as I have got older the age difference has become less of an issue to the "public". We have never had a problem with it ourselves but in the past have got some negative comments from others. Also, as I have got older people's comments don't matter any more as long as we are happy. We split up due to living in different countries but are still best friends who talk every day and frequently met up. I don't know how it works but it does - we are intellectual equals with similar interests, who just happen to be different ages, and just like in any other relationship, you just see the person, not the age. 28/F

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Anonymous  ·  04 Jan 2007
I am with a man 11 years older for the past 5 years. I have been with men of varying different ages over the years. Personally, I think once two people are over a certain age, it shouldn't matter as long as they want the same things out of life. I am over 30 so am in settled mode but I feel if I was 20 wanting to party all the time and going out with somebody whho was 11 years older then who wanted a settled life, that things may be different. It's all relative. Happy at the moment. Who knows what obstacles it might throw up in years to come (and I have thought about most of them - old age complication, children, etc).

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Anonymous  ·  01 Jan 2007
I have just started dating a guy who is nine years my junior,he doesnt seem to be too bothered by the age difference. Possibly because he is not Irish,notsure. I however am quite paranoid about the whole thing even though I look younger thanmy age.

3 Posts

christine (ARF48853)  ·  11 Aug 2006
Iam in a relationship with a guy 17 yrs older and the age gap doesnt make any difference at all, yes i admit i was apprehensive about it at first, but we get on great. it does depend on the individuals' personalities, their outlooks on life, older men are more likely to have experienced life and be more grounded.

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Anonymous  ·  11 Aug 2006
i met a man 29 years younger than me , both of us think the gap is too big , but we are still very interested in each other, find each other attractive , lots of chemistry etc . neither of us would be interested in a long term not sure whether this is the age gap or unwillingness on both sides for different reasons , go commit .

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Lyn  ·  31 Jul 2006
I'm single at the moment but i went out with a guy who was 9 years older than me for two years. We started going out when i was 19 and at first it was a lot of fun for me, he treated me with the respect i never got off men my age. Also he wasnt as sex obsessed as men my age although theres was always a strain put on our relationship. I am outgoing and love going to nightclubs and he hated the thought of me getting chatted up in clubs because he wouldnt go to the clubs himself and sometimes it would get embarrassing for example at my 21st when i had to tell people my boyfriend was 30!! since breaking up with him i've dated 2 guys that were my age and although they were both immature i would still not recommend age gaps!

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Anonymous  ·  29 Jul 2006
im dating a guy 17 years younger then me and come up against the same attitude time and time again that its not quite normal and it wont last,we have been togethar for almost 4 years now and i mostly think of him as the sweetest thing.i do get insecure at times and worry about the future ,im 42 and he is 25,there have been times when my insecurities have got the better of me but he always quietens me down.

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fionak  ·  23 Jun 2005
Hi I just wanted to say that i'm now married to a man who is 4 years younger than me. I have always dated men who were younger than me. Men who were older or the same age didn't seem interested in me romanticaly. Does that seem odd? My husband and I have a great time and Ihave to say that he is my best friend.
He isn't brothered if I'm getting wrinkles of 'spreading' around the middle. As he says himself he fell in love with my personality not my body. I also think that its the person and their personality. There are so many different people in the world today and some people complement each other in different ways. Weather the person is older, younger, male or female relationships need some work and if a person isn't willing to put in some effort than it doesn't matter what age they are.

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Anonymous  ·  14 Jun 2005
I was married to a man 4 years older then me, it did'nt work out. Previous boyfriends have been either 4 or 5 years older too, they are long gone. After many years off the dating scene, I have now met a man 13 years older than me. Im now 48. I have never been happier, I just wish I had met him sooner. So I say to all of you ladies out there if you are contemplating an older man, go for it. I personally would'nt be interested in a man younger than me, probably have to spend too much on the anti-wrinkle cream trying to keep up appearances! As for the 4 years 'recommended' well thats a joke, its not the years, its the person.

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Anonymous  ·  10 Jun 2005
It depends so much on the people. My aunt was married to a man 20 years her senior and he doted on her. She would be he first to say she never had an unhappy day in her married life. My Cousin has married a woman 18 years his junior and they are expecting their first baby. Then there are couples of similar age in relationships where it doesn't work out.

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Anonymous  ·  09 Jun 2005
I've dated two guys the last five years, one 6 years younger the other five years younger. Both proposed but I turned them down for other reasons besides age. I am currently dating a guy 7 years younger. I think sexually its more compatible. (I'm 31 now). It definitely depends on the guy. Kind, mature and understanding guys fit the bill. I think its kinda a culture thing too. I don't think a young Dublin guy would be interested in a serious relationship of this kind but other cultures or even outside of Dublin - different ages intermingle more. Any views on my comments?

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Anonymous  ·  09 Jun 2005
There is a 14 year age difference between my parents and they are happily married 30 years on with 5 grown up children... so personally, having witnessed it myself... AGE DOES NOT MATTER :)

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Anonymous  ·  09 Jun 2005
I am 32 and my boyfriend is 28 and we work fine. Yet my previous boyfriend was 24 when I was 30 and of course that didn't work - great at the start as there was loads of fun and frolics but as time passes and the initial flushes of romance wears off, problems due to the age difference started - he wanted (and was more able) to go out more often than me, he wanted to travel more whereas I had done all that, he was stressing that I should be thinking about settling down etc and he couldn't offer that so the pressures of the age difference split us up in the end. My new boyfriend is a mature 28yr old and if anything, I'm the younger person in the relationship, yet he does bring the youthful fun to it too..still can't believe he won't be 30 for two more years yet and my 30th seems like decades ago...!

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Anonymous  ·  09 Jun 2005
Patricia, I'd like to know who "recommended" that there's not more than a 4 year age gap? My sister and her husband have 13 years between them (30 and 43) and they are very happy together. It's all down to personalities, chemistry, working together at your relationship in a positive way, having the same goals in life, etc etc. It really annoys me when this is "recommended" and that is "recommended". Seems to me a lot of relationships that are in that 4-year "rule" don't work anyway... Every relationship has it's own unique pressures, no matter what age you are.

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Anonymous  ·  06 Jun 2005
My partner and I have been living together for 15 years now and are getting on brilliantly, each day is better than the last. He is 30 years younger than I am. I used to get embarrassed when we went out together, people sometimes asked if he was my son.... Now I don't care any more. funnily enough, people no longer stare at us as they used to do, maybe because we are so at ease with each other, that we look ordinary.

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Anonymous  ·  13 May 2005
Hi there, I live with my partner who is 13 years older than me and we have 2 lovely children together. I would often feel that he has a younger outlook on life than me. We get along great, I was previously in a relationship to a guy who was my age and it didn't work at all. I would say it depends on the people. If they're both at the same stage i.e. ready to settle or not as the case may be then theres o reason for it not to work. I know I'm happy.

6 Posts

breda (fahyb)  ·  13 May 2005
Yes I think age makes a big difference. My husband is 12years older than me. There is a huge difference in us things have been bad for years and we could not see eye to eye, then he got very sick and I have noticed that things have inproved a lot since that it sad to have to say that that this had to happen for i to see a change.

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Anonymous  ·  12 May 2005
my friend who's 20 is going out with guy who's 37, big diff, theyve been goin out 3 years, yes she was young but theyre doing great?

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Siobhan (LTN26938)  ·  12 May 2005
There is 5 years between myself and my boyfriend, I am 31 and he is 26, it is fine now but we definitely had to work through some issues which were age related, but we have come through it and are now living together happily.

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Anonymous  ·  12 May 2005
I think age does matter. I was in a relationship with a guy who was twelve years younger than I was. I am 34 and he was 22. He lied at first and told me he was older and then eventually came clean. Even though at the beginning it was great, we were on different levels. I was at the stage where I wanted to think about settling down and he still had lots of living to do. I think if it was the other way around it would be fine. I do have to say young men are really good fun but as a potential partner, don't think so.

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Patricia (GMC11099)  ·  12 May 2005
Personally, I don't think it matters either, although it is usually advised that the age difference should not be more than four years. I notice the posters on here are women, with an older partner. I think a twenty years' difference is, perhaps, a little extreme....
Now for the other way around: older woman/younger man. Again, personally, I cannot contemplate myself with a much younger man. I honestly do not think it works, and I have seen many examples of this. However, I expect there are exceptions which confirm the rule!!
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