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(Thursday, 23rd Oct, 2014)

Vaginismus or painful sexual intercourse

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2 Posts

Sunni  ·  02 Aug 2007
I'm 23 and vaginimus is ruining my life. I'm looking into going to counselling in the Well Woman Clinic. Has anyone ever used counselling for this and did it help them get over it. I can't cope with this condition any more!
 

1,950 Posts

Anon  ·  06 Jul 2007
Angel, I know this won't help you at the moment but if you cannot have penetrative sex and are not yet 18, I would read your own body signs.
Maybe it is just simply that you are not yet ready for that step. There is plenty of time.
Sometimes it is some deep seated pressure within us that causes this problem in the first place.
Think about yourself emotionally first before you start worrying about the physical side of things.
It will come right in the end.
In regard to your question though, I personally do not know of anywhere in Ireland to buy the kit. Only on the net.
Have you tried talking to your G.P. about this?
Find a female G.P. and have a chat with her.
 

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Anonymous  ·  06 Jul 2007
Is there anywhere in Ireland you can buy dilator sets and books on vaginismus??
 

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Anonymous  ·  06 Jul 2007
My doctor hasn't diagnosed me with Vaginismus, but after visiting vaginismus.com i am certain I have it. I've been going out with my boyfriend for a year now and unable to have penetrative sex. i would love to purchase the kit but i don't have a visa card ( not 18 yet), so i'm feeling pretty helpless. My boyfriend is fantastic about the whole thing. A woman in the wellwoman clinic in Ballsbridge specializes in Vaginismus, so if you can afford 65 euro a session check her out.
 

1,950 Posts

Anon  ·  11 Aug 2006
Bartolins cysts are the easiest thing to diagnose and nothing to do with vaginissmus.
 

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Anonymous  ·  09 Aug 2006
Do get checked out by your doctor. I suffered with a lot of pain and it turned out to be a Bartholin's Cyst which had to be surgically removed. After scar healed - no pain!
 

35 Posts

Lyn  ·  27 Jul 2006
No it's no problem,im glad i've gotten to a stage where i can insert something. i was with my boyfriend of two years and everytime we tried intercourse i would just clamp up,i think the more we worked up to it and the more we were dissappointed the worse it got. We since have broken up and a while ago i met a new guy and its funny with him, first time we tried he was able to penetrate me. It's quite confusing as i dont know the reason for this new development but i do know the newer guy made me feel at ease and acted like the vaginismus wasnt a big deal and we just went from there.
 

1,950 Posts

Anon  ·  26 Jul 2006
Lyn, I wasn't saying that it wasn't the beginning of vaginissmus but true, fully blown vaginissmus by its very nature means that no penetration with anything will work due to the clampiing down or spasm of the pc muscle group. If you can insert anything by using lubricants then you are indeed in the very early stages. I for one, who suffer from vaginissmus cannot manage insertiion of anything.
I did not intend to belittle your condition but just to point out that it can become much worse.
Sorry if you misinterpreted what I was trying to say
 

1 Posts

Elisa (NZS49858)  ·  26 Jul 2006
Hi, this is the first time i have seen this website. I've been crying for like an hour thinking about how shitty I feel about my vaginismus and I found this. I don't know what to do anymore, honestly.

I'm 22 and I've a boyfriend who I live with. We're very committed to each other and love each other a lot. He is so patient with me. But i can't take this anymore. I am in a relationship and for no reason I can't have sex or children or a normal life. And everything i try MAKES IT WORSE. Now i can't even do anything sexual with him without having some sor tof panic attack. Im regressing so fast and I dont know what to do. And i've stopped seeing my doctor because I panicked and I have no money either.

im just so depressed. Do you think depression and anxiety problems play a role in this?
 

35 Posts

Lyn  ·  25 Jul 2006
Anon you posted that if lubricants help you then you dont have Vaginismus I went to my doctor and she confirmed i did but in fairness she said it's only mild but she did recommend lubricants to me even when using a tampon (sorry to be giving too much information here!). My anxiety lies in a fear of becoming pregnant. I went on the www.vaginismus.com site about 9 months ago and i ordered the kit, i would definitely reccomend it. The book was a great help to educate you and let you know what the condition is all about.
 

5 Posts

Angel  ·  18 Jul 2006
It is so good to read that I am not alone. I have spent most of my twenties pushing nice guys away and now I'm 30 I really don't want to spend the next ten years doing the same. In my early twenties I finished with guys for the smallest of reasons but now I'm getting to the stage where I won't even start anything with a man. It's ruining my life and I don't know what to do but after reading this discussion I feel so much better knowing I'm not the only one.
 

1,950 Posts

Anon  ·  15 Jul 2006
Hi folks, Another sufferer here.
If anyone finds that using lubricants solves their problem then they don't have vaginissmus, fortunately!
Yes, Fifi, it is of pschological origin but thats neither here nor there.
Finally, surgery is not the answer & does not have any success rate, in fact, could even compound the problem.
Go to the vaginissmus.com site as previously posted. It really does have all the answers.
The kits are wonderful (THE only treatment) and they work!
Good luck all
 

1,950 Posts

Hilda  ·  14 Jul 2006
Lyn, Believe it or not, after attending up to 6 Doctors & 2 Counsellors & feeling even more dejected after each one, I actually, in desperation, tried the 'date rape' drug (rohypnol, I think its called) & even that didn't work. I even mixed it with alcohol in the hope it was as effective as the media protray it to be & I didn't even feel sleepy let alone relaxed!
I have tried everything, nothing works.
If I have to have a smear test I am given various drugs by my new female GP but even still, she has a problem getting through it & never knows until the results come back if its been successful or not. I always end up in floods of tears as I feel such a damn freak!
That is how bad my problem is.
I even explained to the point of boredom to my GP that I was terrified of the on-set of menopause as I felt that I would then have to face the fact that my time was up to have a family & was terrified of the depression that would beset me.
I am now having menopausal symptoms & each day I just try to keep my thoughts positive & try to accept that maybe it just wasn't meant to be, but its hard.
I know we would have made wonderful parents. It just makes me sad because I know that both of us had no infertility problems.
Everyone who knows us think that we are the most wonderful, happiest couple around.
Thats the difficult part, not being able to tell anyone.
Thank you for your prompt response as it really has helped me.
I am very lucky with my partner & for that alone, I am very grateful.
 

35 Posts

Lyn  ·  13 Jul 2006
Hilda, that is truly awful what your friend has done to you and indeed what your doctors reaction was. I really dont think you should stop trying now though. there are plenty more GP's out there with knowledge of this when i went to mine first he's a man he said he didnt feel comfortable with discussing it with me!! so then i went to a female doctor and she helped me so much, you just need to find a medical professional with understanding. As for your partner, you're lucky u have an understanding one because that can be half the battle in some cases. Have you tried lubricants?
 

1,950 Posts

Hilda  ·  13 Jul 2006
Oh my God, I couldn't believe finding this posting. I have suffered this problem for years, it has blighted my life & been the sole cause of my not having any children. I have a loving & patient partner who is long suffering.
I tried to get help from my GP who reacted with "Why do you want children, they are only a load of trouble".
I went to counselling.
1st counsellor told me to come back when I was feeling better!!
The 2nd waited until I opened my heart to her, then went off sick & although she is back at work, never sent me any more appts.
I felt so very let down & totally alone.
I blame myself but I just cannot fix the problem.
I know there is a huge psychological root to this but that doesn't help to cure the problem.
I could never tell my friends as they just would not understand.
I did tell a close friend once but she used that info to make a few advances towards my partner so obviously I would never tell any female again.
Its just nice to know that I am not the only one.
 

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Anonymous  ·  12 Jul 2006
I'm not in a relationship at the moment so i dont know if it's completely gone but it has really helped, it was such a weight off to know that a LOT of other women have this problem too and it is cureable. I'd reccomend you look up the website and visit ur GP if ur comfortable enough, mine was very understanding, and her advice on lubricants whilst even using a tampon has helped immensely. Also coming onto discussions like this help because as i said before you know you;re not alone.
 

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Anonymous  ·  12 Jul 2006
Thats good to hear has it helped you overcome the problem?I really want to help myself get over this
 

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Anonymous  ·  12 Jul 2006
Just wondering did anybody visit that www.vaginismus.com website? I did and ordered a vaginismus help kit which came with a book and some practise tools. I know it sounds sad but it's helped a lot. just to find reading material on this as i visited so many book shops with nothing on the matter.
 

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Anonymous  ·  02 May 2006
Well as i said in the previous post, lubricants are a great great help. Also there is a great website www.vaginismus.com which is also very helpful to know there are other sufferers out there. Its definitely something you can overcome.
 

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Anonymous  ·  28 Apr 2006
Do you have any tips on how i could overcome this problem myself without seeing a doctor?Really appreciate your help
 

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Anonymous  ·  28 Apr 2006
Im the girl who commented about being a 21year old virgin, well now im not! i was finally able to have intercourse with the help of the advice of my doctor. She advised lubricants which i found a great help, even when using tampons. I would advise fellow sufferers to seek advice from their doctors because it helped me a lot.
 

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Anonymous  ·  27 Apr 2006
I imagine this problem is more psychological rather then physical. I used to suffer from this condition for years until I put it down to the many many frightening lectures I received from my mother about the dangers of having sex with boys and getting pregnant. I believe this contributed to my problem. I have managed to relax & it is no longer an issue. The guy who said that the woman can benefit from having a patient and loving boyfriend also has a very good point.
 

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Anonymous  ·  26 Apr 2006
Can anyone tell me if been unable to insert tampons due to muscles stiffening has anything to do with vaginismus?With a lot of practice and trying to relax can i resolve this problem myself or will it inevitably affect me when i have sex?
 

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Anonymous  ·  16 Oct 2005
i've been doing some research on www.vaginismus.com its very refreshing to know that there are other sufferers out there and we are not along. There is a Vaginismus kit that you can buy also just wondering has anyone heard of this? would it be recommended?
 

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Anonymous  ·  10 Oct 2005
Im a 21year old virgin and i suffer from vaginismus. It feels like its ruining my life at the moment. i've had one very serious relationship fall apart because i just couldn't allow my boyfriend to penetrate me. Now, if ever i meet someone new and i tell them none of them ever want to stick around. i have no idea what to do, i cant talk to my friends about it and men just dont want a girlfriend who's too "tight" like me. i feel like maybe giving up but would love to hear any advice that anyone would like to give me?
 

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Anonymous  ·  02 Oct 2005
I am 24 and I have been in two long term relationships since I was 20. I have experienced painful intercourse with both people. This has put a huge strain on my relationships causing me to end them. I am afraid to go into a new relationship. How do you tell someone you can't enjoy sex when it is suppose to be the most natural thing to occur in a relationship. I feel alone on this subject because I can't discuss this with my friends. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to look for a sex therapists? I have even tried the yellow pages. The subject is just not dicussed openly!! Anyone any ideas??
 

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Anonymous  ·  14 Aug 2005
I have a six year old daughter and have not been able to enjoy sexual intercourse since, it has always been very painful, I am now single for the past four years and would like to start dating again but am afraid to because it will only lead to sex eventually. Any advice on what i should do.
 

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Anonymous  ·  11 Aug 2005
Dear Trish, from my own experience, as a male, dealing with this issue to it's successful conclusion is very possible. Firstly, you need a sensitive and understanding boyfriend. Both of you can have a lot of fun without penitrative sex. In fact, your 'unavailability' only adds to your sexual attraction. Slowly, over time both of you will become more relaxed with each others touches and caresses. He must never demand from you anything that you can't easily give. You should take the inititive and give guidence in matters of your genitalia being touched. Once you are comfortable with his hand on your labia and mons venus, then you can guide him to gently part the lips but without attempting to insert his finger. If he is sensitive to your responses, he will know when to attempt a finger insertion. When he does, it should be no more than to the first knuckle of his finger. This should be repeated many times over the course of your passionate embraces. I can't tell you how long it will be before you are having full sex with him,but I promise you it will happen to your mutual satisfaction.
 

2 Posts

trish (GGY32646)  ·  09 Aug 2005
i also have vaginismus and have only been diagnosed,im only 19 and dont really know what to do,id really appreciate anybody who knows how to tackle this problem to post their views
 

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Anonymous  ·  05 Mar 2003
I have never had enjoyable sex due to suffering from vaginismus. i thought it would "go away" but of course it has not . anyone out there with tips. i am in a relationship now only recently and am 40 years of age. i heard about an operation you can have to loosen the vaginal muscles anyone heard of it. love to hear from women with same problem thank you
 
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