Medical Q&As

Ejaculation - doesn't happen?

I'm 56 years old, sexually active, and don't normally have a problem getting an erection (apart from when I'm tired, sometimes not interested, etc). However, I rarely ejaculate with my partner, but can do so when I masturbate privately. Is this a 'mental' problem? It doesn't worry me too much, as I concentrate on satisfying her, and get great pleasure from that. But it would be nicer if we could both achieve full orgasm.

I donít think that you have a mental problem at all and as you indicate in your question you are not too worried about this matter. You also state in your question that you derive great pleasure from satisfying your partner. Therefore it appears to me that there is a great deal that is right about this relationship. The fact that you ejaculate and achieve orgasm while masturbating privately may be due to the more intense physical stimulation of the penis that occurs with masturbation. In other words the stimulation is firmer and faster. I wonder if you would achieve orgasm with your partner if you were to abstain from masturbation? Perhaps by deferring the more immediate gratification from private masturbation you might achieve orgasm through the act of sexual intercourse with your partner. I simply pose that question very tentatively and do not want to give any sense of being judgmental about the act of masturbation, which I consider to be a very normal activity. I would caution against setting the goal of you both achieving orgasm together. That might simply make you focus on the endpoint of intercourse rather than relaxing and enjoying the process itself.