New baby, no sex life?

New baby, no sex life?

What causes loss of desire?

Too tired to care

No surprises here! Sleepless nights, demanding days, dirty nappies, sore nipples from breast-feeding not to mention new-parent anxiety inevitably take their toll on your energy levels.

Hormones, hormones, hormones

The drop of oestrogen and progesterone after childbirth can cause postpartum depression, which can interfere with your sexual drive. Postpartum depression can last for a few days or a few weeks following birth and some women are more sensitive to hormonal changes than others.


The pain from childbirth doesn't end as soon as the baby is born — you will feel discomfort as your body repairs the damage that occurred during the birthing process. The incision from a caesarean birth, haemorrhoids, engorged and leaking breasts, and tender vagina are just a few of the pains that may be intensified during intercourse.

Shssh, the baby can hear

You know the baby is oblivious to what you’re doing, but there’s still a nagging doubt. Spontaneity may take a back seat while you revert to an-under-the-sheets-and-behind-closed-doors-only sex life.

How to bring it back

Take your time

Give your body a chance to recover from the birth and your hormones time to settle. You will know when your body is sufficiently recovered to resume having sex.

Use vaginal lubrication

The vaginal area will feel dry due to the altered hormone levels. Try using lubricating vaginal creams until the hormone levels settle.


Simple exercises can help to tone pelvic muscles, which can intensify vaginal sensations. Pelvic floor exercises are encouraged by midwives, physiotherapists and your doctor. Try tensing the muscles around your vagina and anus, holding for several seconds, then releasing.

Be creative

Your love life doesn't have to be a desert until you’re ready and able to have full sexual intercourse again — rediscover all those old feelings by cuddling, caressing, and holding hands in the meantime. If you are ready to resume, be adventurous — some sexual positions will feel more comfortable than others, so experiment.

Make time

Plan some time alone with your partner, book a babysitter in advance and take a couple of hours out for just the two of you. You may be parents, but you’re still a couple — don’t forget that.

Get checked out

If problems persist, you should discuss the problem with your doctor or midwife. They can help you to discover the cause of continuing problems.

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